All I wanna say is...at last :)

I find myself wondering...is life real?

For the last couple of months I have had to deal with sudden deaths and exciting weddings. I found myself unable to relate to either. No more were their tears of saddness nor smiles of happiness. Why? I found myself totally uninvolved with my surroundings in either of these events...not sure why? Is it out of fear of being too sad about losing someone and then having to deal with not being sad anymore, or too happy for someone who may not be happy forever? Am I afraid because feelings and emotions that we feel and express today, may not be there tomorrow, so why feel them to begin with? Or is it because none of it sank in for me to feel anything? I couldn't really tell. I know for sure that logically I am very ok now with the idea of death and accept its existence in our world, but I cant accept my coldness towards knowing that fact. I used to cry so easily, used to identify with people so easily (be sad when they're sad and happy when they're happy) but it seemed to get so much harder to do as I got older, probably because of how frequently it happens. Plus sometimes there's no balance on the other side...not just because these two got married today does it mean that they'll be happy and in love forever. Saying that outloud gave me a great sense of loss...I have lost the reality that I wanted to be true. I always believed that there's someone out there for everyone, now I dont, rather I believe YOU have the ability to make with anyone if you really want to. I always believed that when someone passed away, life should stand still for a while, now I dont, rather I believe that its a fact of life that will happen again and again so there's no point in crying. These new conclusions that have come up with age make me dislike the reality of things, making me sort of disagree with this being life! Therefore making me unable to relate to it or really let it sink in. Is that an accurate analysis? I dunno. All I know is, in the past funerals I did not really acknowledge that that person is actually gone, neither in the weddings did I acknowledge that those two people are actually lucky to have found each other and will live together happily. I took them all as events, be at place B for 2 hours and go home. Totally dislocated from the reason behind the event. This troubles me. I know its a fact of life, but it troubles me. I wish I was still able to be emotionally involved with the day to day events rather than to be so detached, making them nothing more than notes in my organizer. Is this really what growing up's about? Or is it a defense mechanism to save my sanity? Or is it merely because after attending 10+ weddings/funerals you lose the charm/awkwardness that's associated with experiencing them for the first time?

I LOVE YOU ABDO & LAURA!!!

Chairing Momentum 2008!

AIESEC Egypt's MC was kind enough to invite me to chair Momentum, previously known as NATCO, this year! I was extremely touched and super excited that I just said YES on the spot before even thinking for 2 seconds! Its so funny how you leave AIESEC and are so ready to go back any time anyone allows you to. I just missed the atmosphere and environment that AIESEC provided me. A place to discuss really interesting topics, a place to genuinely click with people, a place where you found all the support in the world, and definately a place where you could have heaps and heaps of fun! The highlights of chairing the conference were getting to spend time with the MC whom were full of people whom I knew and admired but didnt really know so I loved being able to share their experience with them and to bond with them. They were also generous enough to involve me in whatever they were doing and even in what they were thinking which felt great. We shared alot, and smiled alot. The venue itself touched me so much because of the memories it held. Its where I got to faci newies whom this year were in the same room with me as MC, LCPs, and MCVP candidates. It was just amazing to watch them lead their teams, give sessions, and just be so confident! I remembered how shy they were and NOW how amazingly confident and inspiring they were! They touched me so much, and I was so amazed by them! Plus the exciting MC elections...I got such an adrenaline rush, I was just as concerned as the rest of them about who'd get elected and why. I found myself crossing my fingers that the people would make the right choice, and that AIESEC egypt would be safe. The other thing was to get to mingle with people again...new people whom I didnt know; some were internationals (the facis) and some were newies. Oh and the AIESEC dances! Boy did I miss doing those! All in all it was a nice flashback, made me remember how much I loved AIESEC, and put me at ease that there were still amazing leaders there whom others could look up to. Having good leaders meant more inspiration for others so more likelihood of more amazing leaders to emerge for the future.