Shakira Shakira!

Yesterday Shakira held a concert here in Cairo by the Pyramids. I am not a big Shakira fan, I like one or two of her songs but I wouldnt buy a CD of hers or anything. So the main reason I bought a ticket was I wanted to dance plus do something new rather than the cafes we always go to. And that's exactly what happened! We got there and just danced danced danced, and Shakira put on quite a show. She of course outdid herself as always with the belly dancing moves that put us all to shame. You could see all the girls trying to dance to TRY to divert their boyfriends' attention from the stage! AIESECers, she sang Ojos Asi so of course Martha, Hazem and I did the AIESEC dance to it and looked like little children in between all these people but that made it even more fun! We took forever to get to the stage due to traffic and parking but that's when you have to make sure you are with a fun group of people in the car. Then of course no concert would be complete without having at least one disastor which would make you laugh later when you remembered it. One of our friends left his ticket with us and couldnt get past the first gates without it and we could not reach him due to the phone networks being down with all the call traffic plus we were not allowed to go back out to get him! He finally managed to get in by hitchhiking in a car with strangers, then being very nice with the policemen inside, and managing to eventually get to us. He kept us pretty stressed out for an hour or so. Overall, the evening was loads of fun with good friends, a change of scenery, smiles, and some dancing.

Weird thought...I'm feeling "dispersed"...what the hell does that mean?

You know how sometimes you find yourself thinking way too much that you confuse yourself and if anyone asks you "who are you?" at that moment, you really wouldnt know how to answer him/her? I'm in that mood now and it drives me insane! I cant seem to stop myself...I started thinking about how much I love feeling connected to people but then at the same time connecting to too many people makes me feel like I have spread myself too thin that a small part of me is with too many people that I feel really dispersed! I used to always have just 2 people whom I told absolutely everything to on a daily basis that usually I felt very whole and centered. Its good to have people involved fully in your life that if you refer to something in the past they would remember it and continue with you on your wave length. Now, for some reason, I panic because sometimes the people in my life now are not really available all the time so you find me sharing with whomever would listen...not that anything is really wrong with that but I miss the feeling of feeling whole. Of having someone there who knows exactly what I am feeling, doing, at any time. Like, usually if people couldnt find lina for example or didnt know how she was, they'd call me and I could tell them, and vice versa. I miss that feeling so much! And I hate feeling like I am dispersed everywhere, so prefer calling that one or two persons whenever anything happens or when anything pops into my mind that I want to share...such a weird thought though isnt it? Feeling scared and panicky because you feel like you are all over the place...because you feel there isnt that one person who is so free whom you can call whenever ANYTHING happens during the day, as if you couldnt figure things out on your own! Such a strange thought, really...

Commitment time

Ok these are things that I used to love doing and I have totally stopped doing! Since I can now consider myself a graduate of AIESEC, I have alot of spare time to do other stuff.

1. Reading. I used to read so much that a good book could keep me up all night!

2. Playing sports. I used to play basketball 3 times a day and now spend my day sitting a desk too lazy to even get up to make a cup of tea!

3. Creating art. I used to paint, use oil and chalk pastels, draw, do pottery, etc. And I used to be pretty good! Now I dont do any art whatsoever!

These things were the ways I had to clear my head and to feel better when I was down. I miss the rush you get from playing sports, I miss the patience I had while doing art, I miss the total focus I had while playing basketball, I miss feeling fit, I miss the mental and emotional breaks that art, basketball, and reading used to give me, and I miss feeling my hands hurt from holding a book up to my eyes while being in bed. I need to find the push to get my butt off the couch to do these things again.

Glowing stars

I had these glowing stars on my ceiling for years but had to remove them so that we could repaint my room. Since I painted my room 4-5 years ago I hadnt hung them back up! Today I finally got my bum off the tv and stuck them everywhere and awwww I felt so much better! They have such a soothing effect these glowing stars...you just need to close the lights, lay on your back on your bed, and look up. I remember in high school I got m girlfriends over, and we all lay on my huge bed (which I have gotten rid of), switched off the lights, and talked while looking at the glowing stars. It may seem silly but it was a memory that we all still have. I love these stars and want some more! I have a few patches on my ceilings and walls that could use some more stars ;)

So far Promoseven was the right move for me

If you remember I was sitting and wondering a while back if quitting my job was the right way to go or not, and if advertising would turn out to be what I wanted or not. I am happy to say that so far so good :) Last week I stayed at work till 11pm one day and till 8pm the next all because I was working on the design of the packaging of a product with the creative team. Then I was assigned to attend 3 focus groups in Cairo then others in areas elsewhere in rural cairo. It was interesting coz I had only done focus groups for projects in university so it was great to actually implement it in a real working environment. The tasks I do are different every day, I am living the things I was studying, and I get moments of real excitement! So, so far, I think I did the right thing by resigning my old job...I hope I continue to think so. Cross your fingers!

Back to school we go!

Today I went to my school's carnival. They have one annually and I used to love going to them as a kid! Getting my face painted, putting people in the fake jail they built (you pay money to have people track down a friend and lock him up for a while in a fake prison haha), riding the camel...it was loads of fun. This year everyone was very enthusiastic about going and turning it into a reunion! We got invitations by email, and people on facebook were telling each other to come. So I got really excited! I smsed everyone I knew who was an Alsson alumnus, and Dina and I decided we were going regardless. So I go to her place, take my bro along, and turns out Hatem and Sherif (both I knew from school and both were on my school bus with me for years) were the ones taking us! So the car ride alone was such a cool reunion! Remembering all the people, remembering their gossips, laughing about who we were still in touch with and who we cut out of our lives. We get to the school and boy was it crowded! Cars EVERYWHERE. We walk in and the nostalgia begins...everything seemed so much smaller! The bench we used to sit on when we were waiting for PE class to start seemed tiny! The theater, oh my God the theater, totally changed! There was this donkey we had at school called Sombol who used to make so much noise when we had class. A guy at school today took us to go see him and even though we knew akeed this wasnt THE Sombol we still got kinda sad and stood to take photos with this Sombol lookalike. We said hi to old teachers who still remembered us! We met some old faces whom we hadnt seen in years. I so wished I had taken some of my friends with me to show them the school, especially Askoura. We all were really emotionally attached to this school...I remember how homesick I felt in my first year in uni...just wanted my school back! It was nice to re-live the memories, and to re-live it with the people I had with me today. Remembering the spot we used to go to when we used to skip class, the stuff we used to buy from the cafeteria which we thought was so cool, the place we used to stand to salute the flag in the morning, ah so many memories! I think I will go to these annual carnivals more often.

Korba Festival!

Yesterday I went to the festival that was being held in Korba, Heliopolis. They have done it a few times before but I was always too lazy to go. I was really curious to see what it was all about plus a main motivator was to say bye to my friend Abbassi who was going to Belgium on business for 2 months, and to say bye to Bassem Shohdy who was going back to his job in Sudan. So we drive there, Dina, her sister, her mum, Sara, and I. That was mistake number one coz the place was crammed with cars! Luckily, as we were looking for a parking spot, my friend Bassem Youssef was all of a sudden in the car in front of us so managed to help us get a parking spot, and because he was so kind, he found a parking spot right after we did so we managed to walk to the festival together. It was really cool to see that in Cairo they managed to close off the streets, have artists drawing on the roads with chalk, plus seeing a stage all set up for West Il Balad. It was impressive to see that here! But of course there's always a glitsh! They closed off the roads and made the festival from 12-7 and there was absolutely NOTHING in the closed roads...no souvenir booths, or games, or anything. They could have done so much more to make the event more interesting. Instead you were left walking back and forth enjoying the mere fact that you were bumping into sooo many familiar faces. So the initiative was great but go all the way and make it an event to remember! For me, the very special memory in it was I was with Abbassi, Bassem, and Tamer Deif all in one place. We hadnt done that in SO long! I used to hang out with those 3 ALL the time and lately we havent been able to due to each one of us either being abroad or busy with work. Plus, I loved spending some time with Dina, Sara, and Bassem, hilarious bunch!

Am I too attached to my friends?

This comment is something I hear from my parents all the time...you are too attached to your friends, you give them too much importance...not that my parents are against it but they feel I over do it and they wish I had a better balance between my family life, my social life, and my career. I cant say that I totally disagree with their conclusions but what can I say...I am a people person...I enjoy getting to know people, I enjoy keeping people I like in my life, I enjoy long discussions, etc. I just enjoy it too much to tone it down or to attempt to rebalance my life. I like the feeling you get when you see someone whom knows you so well that he/she can predict your behaviour. I like the feeling of seeing someone and seeing a long history between us. I like remembering moments where that person really needed me or I really needed them. I was always like that but it has gotten stronger over the years and now I think my mood and happiness rely alot on the people around me which I sense can be a bit dangerous. I get quite sad when I miss people whom are there but whom I dont see as often as I like. I get quite down if I had to dissappoint someone by not showing up to their bday, their wedding, their lunch plans, their walk in the street even! Its something I realize, something I need to be careful of, but then again, if it makes me happy to email my friends abroad all the time, if it makes me happy to go running to a friend anytime he/she needs me, if it makes me happy to go down just to see a friend for one hour, if it makes me happy to travel with a bunch of people I dunno just to hang out with one friend, if all this craziness makes me happy then why should I change it? I think what made me more extreme in this regard was being in Canada and seeing how detached people were. There you had friends whom you would give maybe an hour of your time every once in a while. Maybe you would give them a call every now and then when you needed something. It was a pretty stressless way of having friends. Friends were not people who checked on you all the time as if you couldnt take care of yourself, they were not people who called you constantly for no real reason except to chat, they were not people who wasted your time but turning a quick lunch into a lunch, movie, and a walk. Their definition of a friendship was more towards people whom you had fun with once in a while when you needed a break from your responsibilities. Nothing wrong with that but it wasn't something I was used to! I enjoy sharing! I enjoy doing absolutely nothing with someone beside me! I enjoy cruising in a car with music on with a friend. I enjoy sleeping on a friend's shoulder. I enjoy having a friend discussing really emotional stuff with me. I enjoy talking about silly and irrelevant things with others. Even though all that meant friends could get nosy, could get too attached, could get too involved in your private life but I guess I prefered that kind of friendships. I know this stuff is fun for most people and that my dependence on them is what is abnormal. But I can't help it...my reason to smile is usually associated with being around people I like...and because of that I perhaps do too much in order to keep people I like close by...I dont allow them to dissappear from my life even if I havent seen them in years! I hold on to memories...I hold on to them and to people out of fear that I wont be happy without them. It is feeling I am admitting outloud for the first time...and after having done so I do feel its danger...

Advertising...a really old passion that Im trying to feel again

When I got to University I kept thinking...what do I wanna do? It wasnt my choice to open this subject but it kinda became a must after a semester or two in university! So all I remember was I loved art but didnt think I was that good that I would be able to build a career on it...I remember liking the idea of psychology big time since I was big on sitting and talking to people about practically everything. Advertising popped into my mind as a nice combination of both plus something concrete I could build a career on. So the idea started growing in my mind, and actually I had already for years been collecting ads that I really liked and hanging them up in my room. So I knew I had a thing for visuals. Then came the question of whether to declare mass communication or business adminstration...both had similar marketing courses. I went for business with a marketing concentration and started a psychology minor as well. And of course as the uni years went by I started getting distracted from advertising by seeing other job choices through the courses I was taking and the types of jobs these courses would expose to me...you have market research, accounting, management, all these divisions of business that widened the scope! So I sorta buried this advertising idea since my studies didnt really expose it too much. But now...2 years later...I decided to quit my job suddenly to really give advertising a shot! I dunno if that hidden passion will reappear but so far exercising my creativity a little bit and also seeing results faster than my old job is pretty nice! Of course the slowness of the Egyptian way of doing things still exists as it will in alot of other places to work but at least with advertising you see the billboards, you see the promotions, you see the ads...so you see something at sometime! Whether I made the right choice in quitting my old job or not will appear later on I guess but I'm glad that at least I am giving it a try and that I wasn't my usual risk-averse self. It was a pretty tough decision to leave a place I was comfortable in, especially for an industry that has irregular hours and one that was known to eat at your social life. Here goes nothing I guess!

Latest obsession: LIFEHOUSE

I have always liked the band Lifehouse. In Canada they were very popular so I would hear them alot more on the radio and was more updated with their new songs. Lately...for some reason...I am even more hooked! Listening to them all the time! Here are the lyrics of one of my favourites "Everything", and I would also recommend "Blind", "Sick Cycle Carousel", "You & Me", "Hanging By a Moment", "Breathing", and many more!

EVERYTHING
Find me here
and speak to me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
you are the light
that's leading me
to the place
where I find peace again

you are the strength
that keeps me walking
you are the hope
that keeps me trusting
you are the life
to my soul
you are my purpose
you're everything

and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this yeah

you calm the storms
and you give me rest
you hold me in your hands
you won't let me fall
you still my heart
and you take my breath away
would you take me in
take me deeper now

and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this

and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this

cause you're all I want
you're all I need
you're everything
everything

you're all I want
you're all I need
you're everything
everything

you're all I want
you're all I need
you're everything
everything

you're all I want
you're all I need
you're everything
everything

and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this

and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this

Very touching...

I got a couple of comments on my blog from IPM delegates who were really happy with IPM and enjoyed it immensely! That made my day to hear that...I knew IPM generally went well but didnt get much of a chance to get feedback from the delegates so that was very nice...so I checked out some delegate blogs...curious for more feedback...and oh wow so much positive feedback! Alot of people had lovely memories of Egypt, the conference, and of the cc. I was very happy to see people saying they loved Egypt and wanted to come back! Or people saying going to IPM was a great way to end their AIESEC career. It was very touching to see that and made me feel happier with the outcome of the conference. Having people tell me Egypt was not what they expected at all was awesome! It was cool to look at people blog about a conference that was held in your home and with your participation!

A reason to really smile!

Got some excellent news last night that will keep the big grin on my face for some time! My boyfriend will be stationed in Cairo! YIPEE!!

IPM is over...its re-adjusting time

IPM took up my whole life for the past month and for the past year it has taken up quite a chunk as well. To wake up this morning and to find myself getting ready to go to work, and staying there till 6pm, then having a home cooked meal, and watching this thing they call TV was just weird. Its such a drastic change. For the past month, I have been eating out ALL the time, hardly sleeping, and definately had no time to watch TV! Would go to work in the morning, go to cc meetings after work, then go home and work on assigning tasks for the teamsters so while I'm at work they have something to do! So it was just insane! I was living on 4-5 hours sleep every day and was travelling to helio all the time (yes its far enough to be considered travelling), and oh my god not following my curfew in any shape or form! Eventually, things got more and more hectic with IPM approaching and I became more and more restless. Partly due to feeling pulled from all directions...work...CC...and family! But once the conference began...I had moments where I would totally collapse coz I had taken too much of a load upon myself and my team...like with the check in...but as the first and second days passed...things slowly slowed down and the conference was just happening! And actually happening smoothly and well. I did my best to try to take it all in as it happened because it gets hard to do that when you are only focused on organizing...I did manage to get to know delegates, and form stronger bonds with some cc members. I did get to smile, cry, yell, and laugh. I experienced all sorts of emotions and alot of the time within the same day. What I do regret though is being too tired to party, too tired to really spend time with people, and not really spending any time on my own to collect my thoughts and prep up. If I could do it all again, all I would change is just that...dividing the work a little better so everyone got a chance to get to know delegates, to spend some time to reflect, etc because I know it wasnt only me missing out on all that. But overall, the experience was a learning one for me. I did things that I didnt think I could do, and behaved in ways that people didnt expect. I didnt expect to be able to stand my ground, or to get so mad, or to even cry in front of everyone! I didnt expect to really bond with certain cc members whom now I feel so weird not being around them 24/7. Now it will be a huge shift of pace that I need to readjust myself to. I need to get used to being home again where I do need to be more present and available...that will be hard after 2 months of just doing what you want when you want. I need to get used to not feeling guilty when I get some sleep or go out...which will be hard since I had to give up quite a number of outings the past year for cc stuff and definately had some very restless sleeps in IPM due to guilt! I will take some time in the next few days to look back and think about everything...and hope that I do not get too much of a cultural shock with this huge change in my lifestyle...especially since this was the last thing I would do in AIESEC as well...alot of things to get used to!

Tamer is in AI!!

I had the pleasure of being at the conference where I got to see Tamer prepare for his AI speech, his interview, and finally to watch water being poured on him to announce that he MADE IT to AIESEC International! I was extremely proud of him...had no doubt in my mind that he would get it...but still you never know...so seeing him really get it made me smile from ear to ear! They left his name to the very end which made us very very nervous! There's now an Egyptian in the AI team, who got selected in the IPM that was hosted in Egypt, AND the Egyptian who get selected was the one and only Tamer! I cannot think of a better environment for this event to have happened. He will have an awesome time in the Netherlands and will make us proud I'm 200% sure. GO FOR IT TAMER! Keep a space empty for me to come visit you!