The fear of the downs of life

You always hear people saying how you should always worry when you are truely happy because that means a big drop in your life will happen soon where you will become really depressed. It's like a rollercoaster...once you reach the highest peak, there will be a sharp drop. And that the higher the peak is, the bigger of a drop you'll have. From personal experience I do see that happening alot but I hate to think that oh my God I'm happy now so I really need to be careful because there will be a huge drop soon! Living life like that would be too depressing...when you are happy you are expecting the worst, and when you are in the worst you are in no mood to think of the happy. But for some reason, a few days ago, I felt truely happy for a few mins...and I was very conscious of it too...and for the first time I was actually scared to lose that feeling which is not me at all! I've always been quite moody...feeling hyper one sec, then really quiet the next...happy then a little sad...but I knew that that was how life was, up and down all the time...but for some reason this time I was so scared of the down. I still am scared of the down...my downs usually mean I switch off for a while...put a distance between me and the people around me and I do it without realizing it too which makes it more difficult to control. And I am worried of falling deep into that this time around for some reason. I'm dying to know why.I'm very scared...

I really miss my dad...

What is this thing we call love?

I was having a discussion with my friend the other day about what love is. Don't ask how we got there but we did! We were having a hard time defining what being in love meant, I mean yes you want to be with the person all the time, and you feel butterflies when you are around them...all that is great and we all want that but why do you love one person but not the other? What makes us say this guy is not just a close friend? What is it that makes you feel differently about a guy who's a really close good friend and another guy who you are IN LOVE with? The difference may be obvious but when you ask people what its like hanging out with a real close girlfriend or boyfriend, and what it's like to hang out with a really close friend, you find alot of similar descriptions...which means a boyfriend is technically a close friend but with something extra. What is that extra? Well...it can be a physical attraction, it can be an intellectual connection, it can be an unexplainable chemistry that you just feel...it can be many things. I was discussing this with a guy friend of mine and for him he actually prefers the physical attraction to come much later and that he likes to just feel the cute butterflies and shyness in the beginning, and that those cute romantic feelings, that don't necessaryly involve physical attraction, is enough to make him decide that this girl is more than just a friend. That's one way of looking at it...others would say no way! It's the physical attraction that makes them consider a girl as more than a friend even if its as innocent as just wanting to hold her hand. Then there are others again who say no...if the person in front of me is drop dead gorgeous and I'm physically attracted to him but cant share my deepest thoughts and all the boring details of my day with him then it's just not love...its pure lust. Hmmm so its gets more and more complicated as you think about it and you start questioning your own definition of love...is my definition too naive and too fairytale-like? Or is my definition too practical and unromantic? My definition of what love is is kinda a mix of all the above. For me, if I love hanging out with the guy, love talking about anything with the guy, love doing the normal daily stuff with him, etc then for me that's love because I would feel I wouldn't need anyone else in my life really. I mean even with your friends now, you have friends who you go clubbing with but whom you'd never wanted to be deserted on an island with...and other friends who you can turn to when you are really upset but whom you don't have fun with in parties. With the guy I love, if we do anything I'm happy and content. That of course does not mean that I would desert all my friends for the guy, I dont like it when girls/guys do that. I'm pro couples having common friends as well as their own separate friends. But what I mean is whether you are sitting having your morning coffee together, or siteseeing together in a foreign country, or socializing with friends at a huge gathering, you are having fun with your partner. For me that's the difference...I wouldnt get bored of being with the guy I love. As for physical appearances and attractions, this may sound like a cliche but for me a guy who I really enjoy being around would be very attractive to me even if he seems to be plain to others. This is something many others agree on actually...you can see a drop dead gorgeous girl but totally dislike her personality so would start wondering how the hell you found her attractive to begin with. Or vice versa...seeing a normal looking girl but after realizing how much you adore hanging out with her, she becomes the most attractive girl you have ever seen...I think this is because you start seeing the really cute things about the person, and you just become happier when you see the person, so their attractiveness jumps up! So, a person you love, according to me, is in essence a best friend who is attractive to you and whom you want to have physical contact with BECAUSE you love him/her. He/she is the most attractive person in the room to you because you love him/her, and that's how you know the difference between a person you love and just a close friend. Brad Pitt could be there in the room too but you wouldnt even notice him! (If you can imagine that haha) This discussion about what love is hard to end with a concrete conclusion that applies to everyone because its so relative and so intangible but what is for sure is everyone wants to feel it and have it in their lives. Nothing makes us feel as wonderful as we do when we hear the words "I LOVE YOU".

Song: Always On My Mind - Elvis Presley

This song as been a favorite of mine for quite some time. Its a tear jerker though, especially for you girls/guys out there who have broken up with a special someone and would love to hear that someone say these words to you to remove the baggage. I just really love the song because of the fact that it is emotional and even though the lyrics are so simple they have moved me to tears...sometimes!

Maybe I didn't treat you
Quite as good as I should have
Maybe I didn't love you
Quite as often as I could have
Little things I should have said and done
I just never took the time
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasn't died
Give me, give me one more chance
To keep you satisfied, satisfied

Maybe I didn't hold you
All those lonely, lonely times
And I guess I never told you
I'm so happy that you're mine
If I make you feel second best
Girl, I'm sorry I was blind

You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasn't died
Give me, give me one more chance
To keep you satisfied, satisfied

Little things I should have said and done
I just never took the time
You were always on my mind
You are always on my mind
You are always on my mind

V for Vendetta

I saw this movie with a few friends and my mum about 2 weeks ago and I was very impressed I must say. Its supposed to be based on a comic book but its not what you'd ever expect from a comic book movie. It has many really interesting ideas like how society can kill a man for a certain unacceptable idea he had, and we end up forgetting this man but never the idea. And how we should always be careful to notice the difference between the things we actually want in comparison to the things that society dictates we should want. Break the chains and free yourself from all the things that were planted in your mind by others. A big quote in the movie is: "People should not be afraid of their Governments. Governments should be afraid of their people." Which sounds pretty logical when you really think about it but the problem is we never really consider this phrase...we are always so afraid of what our governments are capable of and how they can get us into wars or into political problems and because of that we forget that a government is formed by its people and is there to serve its people and not to serve itself. The idea of the film is just very new and it really makes you think...so I highly recommend it to everyone.

Sara Zarif & Thomas Girgis are engaged!!! Congrats to the gorgeous couple.

It's spring time! The engagement and wedding invitations are rolling in again :) The questions of what I will wear, and am I getting old start popping up again haha. Yesterday was the first of a list of engagements and weddings that I will attend this spring/summer. One of my close friends, Sara Zarif, got engaged to Thomas Girgis, another friend, at Club 35 in the Four Seasons. It was a great party! All our close friends were there so we were able to act as silly as we wanted and that is exactly what I did as I always do when a close friend is getting hitched. I didnt have time to eat or sit, I was too busy dancing the night away with my hilarious friends. At one point, I'd walk up to Dany Seif and we'd both stand there looking so serious then 2 seconds later we'd break into a silly dance then stop again looking serious and we'd do it again! People thought we were nuts! Then at some point Dany, Hany, me, and Heba stood in front of each other and just copied all Hany's moves that he would make up on the spot! Then of course there was the serious bringing down the house dancing that I like to enjoy as well, not as much as the silly dances though. I just love the release that dancing to songs you know, with friends you are close to, brings. Nothing makes me happier than when you act silly, have a friend spinning you around, sing at the top of your lungs, and everything in between! The bride and groom were as hyper as we were and were all smiles as well so it was a great party! I had missed this gang of people loads so it was great to meet up again for such an occassion. Special thanks to Dany and Hany for acting super silly with me!! And a BIG CONGRATULATIONS to the gorgeous bride and groom!

The happy graduates of Spring 2006!

Today was the first step towards graduation for Tarek Habib, Soad, Yasser, Christo, Amr Abou Bakr, and more, and we got to share this excitement with them. They didnt feel like they were graduating yet which is pretty normal but since I was taking way too many pictures, forcing them to smile every 2 secs, I'm sure they must have felt SOMETHING new was going on!! A year ago I was in their same shoes and I can still remember how excited I was! I kept running from person to person, taking as many pictures as I could so I can remember all these people that I knew in uni whom I might not know later on...you take pics of areas on campus where you used to hang out...areas which are significant to you for whatever reason...its fun yet sad at the same time because now these areas will soon be less important to you and may even be forgotten as the years roll by. This time around I felt less nostalgic about being a graduate...in the last group photos I felt sad that this lifestyle was over for me but this time around I didnt feel that anymore. I miss uni life terribly but now after being a graduate for a year I have come to appreciate the things that I now have just because I graduated, like the ability to go out whenever you like because you dont have any studying to do, or travelling whenever you like since you are paying for it yourself, etc. But to get to this point took some time and the first few months of being a graduate is hard and confusing but it is a new adventure and I wish all the graduates of Spring 2006 luck and I also want to advise them to try and enjoy this adventure into the unknown. It's exciting yet scary but you guys can do it!!

Clumsy Days

Today is just not my day! Since I got to the office this morning I have been spilling stuff all over the place! First I was eating my yoghurt and I dropped the spoon on my lap. Then my friend was giving me a cucumber and I didnt realize she had cut it into slices so dropped the whole thing on the floor! Then I got a cup of tea to eat with some biscuits and decided it would be nice to dip them in the tea...so of course one biscuit dropped in the cup spilling tea on my lap so I burnt myself! And its still 3 pm!! I need this day to end before I spill something more dangerous!

MIS Photos

Leaving the sad and emotional parts of MIS aside, we had some nice bonding times on the trip whether we went walking by the beach, sang in the "lobby", threw people in the pools at 3am, went swinging by the beach, did the AIESEC role calls and dances, and swam in the pool in the afternoon. Here are the pictures with the fun memories.
Here's the gang having breakfast in the morning before starting our sessions. I cant say that it was worth waking up in the morning really early to eat the breakfast they were serving but when you are hungry you will eat anything!

This is us on our favourite swing where we used to sit and sing plus have some nice conversations. We were there in all our free time even if it was only 10 mins!! Can't find us? Go to the swings!!


Fawzy, Tarek, Maan, Tamer, and I in our break in between sessions sitting in the balcony. We are all in red as you can see which I never noticed till now! Hehe

Here are the girls, May, Martha and I on the beach with Skoura! We were by the swing yet again. That was the spot where we had the most fun.

Us on the couches preparing ourselves to chill and sing the night away. This was at 1am and I had decided to take a shower...2 hours later they were throwing people in the icky pools outside that were seriously filthy because of the 200+ people that decided to show up at the hotel that day (most were kids too!) but thank God I managed to escape being thrown, thanks Abdo and Hisham!

Martha, Nisrin, and I in the middle of writing our sugar cubes...you can see Tamer behind us writing his. We had a lot to write with so many people leaving AIESEC.