I find myself wondering...is life real?

For the last couple of months I have had to deal with sudden deaths and exciting weddings. I found myself unable to relate to either. No more were their tears of saddness nor smiles of happiness. Why? I found myself totally uninvolved with my surroundings in either of these events...not sure why? Is it out of fear of being too sad about losing someone and then having to deal with not being sad anymore, or too happy for someone who may not be happy forever? Am I afraid because feelings and emotions that we feel and express today, may not be there tomorrow, so why feel them to begin with? Or is it because none of it sank in for me to feel anything? I couldn't really tell. I know for sure that logically I am very ok now with the idea of death and accept its existence in our world, but I cant accept my coldness towards knowing that fact. I used to cry so easily, used to identify with people so easily (be sad when they're sad and happy when they're happy) but it seemed to get so much harder to do as I got older, probably because of how frequently it happens. Plus sometimes there's no balance on the other side...not just because these two got married today does it mean that they'll be happy and in love forever. Saying that outloud gave me a great sense of loss...I have lost the reality that I wanted to be true. I always believed that there's someone out there for everyone, now I dont, rather I believe YOU have the ability to make with anyone if you really want to. I always believed that when someone passed away, life should stand still for a while, now I dont, rather I believe that its a fact of life that will happen again and again so there's no point in crying. These new conclusions that have come up with age make me dislike the reality of things, making me sort of disagree with this being life! Therefore making me unable to relate to it or really let it sink in. Is that an accurate analysis? I dunno. All I know is, in the past funerals I did not really acknowledge that that person is actually gone, neither in the weddings did I acknowledge that those two people are actually lucky to have found each other and will live together happily. I took them all as events, be at place B for 2 hours and go home. Totally dislocated from the reason behind the event. This troubles me. I know its a fact of life, but it troubles me. I wish I was still able to be emotionally involved with the day to day events rather than to be so detached, making them nothing more than notes in my organizer. Is this really what growing up's about? Or is it a defense mechanism to save my sanity? Or is it merely because after attending 10+ weddings/funerals you lose the charm/awkwardness that's associated with experiencing them for the first time?